Dear Bishop

Dear Bishop,


        My dear friend Bishop you have been my lifelong acquaintance and it is time I write to you. I have been there with you every step of the way. I have seen the good times, the ok times and the downright frightening times. I have know you for 30 years now, it will be 31 this coming March. I was there even when no one else could be or wanted to be however we have never truly been friends.

         I remember the days of playing with grandma and grandpa Bailey. I was there for the earth shattering loss of her passing in 93. You were so little but you wouldn't let yourself cry at her funeral. You were so tiny and at a loss back then. Grandpa Bailey became the best friend you could ever ask for and he loved you very much. He was there for you and you for him until his passing in 99. Mom wouldn't let you go see him but his caretaker Penny would sneak you in so you were the only grandchild who got to say goodbye. You got to see him one last time the day before he died, he wasn't awake or alert but you picked his frail body up and hugged him one last time.

        Again, you would not let a single tear shed at his funeral. I think you felt if you let go you would never stop. I was there when you made Benway go check on his father after a week of silence. I was there when the police found him and you waited by his side until they released the scene and you helped the corner bag up his rigid body and carry him out of that house one last time. You were 18 then and very lost.

       You did a lot of stupid self destructive things, I remember the night Josh asked you if you were ok to drive and you responded with "Fuck no man". You were right but you still went. It almost cost you everything that night. You should not have walked away from that but did. I remember you thinking there must be some reason you survived. I know every time you wear a seat belt now you flash back to that night. I also know the days you flash back to that night and wish it had ended differently, those are the days you don't wear that seat belt.  You kept on going, fighting fires and being the best broken you that you could be. I was there with you screaming at you that day at the Duck River Cemetery, it was in the trunk fully loaded 7X62x39 FMJ fully loaded. You cried, you hurt and you were ready to see grandma and grandpa again. Thank God it was a busy day and you never seemed to find a minute alone to do what you came to do. You were just 19 then. 

        I was there the day you realized you needed to change, that was the morning you stopped doing any and all drugs cold turkey even though the painkillers helped. You and Josh spent weeks together playing Halo 2 and telling everyone to fuck off because you were staying out of trouble and going back to Idaho to start over. 2006 the last time you got to see Mom. You and Josh were both conflicted about leaving. He was crushing on Ashley and you on Kim. Even the one of sweet rich widow asked you to stay and offered you a room in her mansion, a car and a job. Kim woke up and called desperately when you were hours away and begged you to come back. You left so much behind you.

      You and Brian reconnected in Idaho, you did the church thing again but not very well like always. It was never really something you did for you but for friends and family. 2007 the year you met her, she was beautiful and adventures and you were two young kids in love. Neither of you understood how broken you really were. You did not and could not understand those broken bits you hid from each other were the most important parts to share.

       August 11th 2007 Orem Utah, you found some old pictures on myspace and she wanted you to wear a cowboy hat again like in the picture. You still have the hat and boots you bought that day and the boots still get worn now more than ever. You only pulled them out for special occasions because they meant more then now they are just made for walking. August 11th 2010 the big hurt happened the one thing you always feared went down while you were hours away helping a family friend put together wheel line so they could make the most of the season.

       You knew, you always know, it is a blessing and a curse gifted from an analytical mind, years of reading mystery books and from good genetics. One voice told you to go do you and go to school as planned and she, she said the one thing that made you want to stay that gave you hope. The church thing again so many emotions I watched you go through. Again not done for you but for friends and family and out of desperate hope

     You found a family of black sheep a home away from home. The leader jumped ship after an amazing night and you stepped in. You gathered the masses and bickered with the other side that viewed you as competition. You shined in the light and cried in the darkness because you too were fighting doubts of faith, self and everything. I watched it all unfold.

     What was it 4 years ago now before valentines day? The organization you built had amazing people in it. It was when Keene died around that time of the Cancer is a Bastard meetup. The one guy you knew was a bad apple the one you said not to trust. That was the one who in the end made you loose all faith all trust even though he was thousands of miles away he did the most damage.

       You had an out, but I watched you stay. You were scarred and felt like no matter what no one else would truly want you again anyways so why go? It was the logistics and the fear that kept you. Sure there were good weeks, days and moments that followed but you had checked out. Love had died and was now an action word for you not a feeling. But you put on a good show and it flickered from time to time but what started in 2007 had died that year. Those demons of not feeling good enough have always had the loudest voices.

       Now I know you I have watched you from day one and been there so I say this with love. Neither of you were perfect. You sir are no saint and you know it. You both did wrongs that led to the fall that is the new normal for you. I have wept with you, I have laughed with you and I have loved with you. The unsaid words the hidden thoughts you both had were unhealthy for the both of you. They did no good for either of you. She did not know how you felt then and you never knew how you had hurt her in ways as well. You two were always the best at not being on the same page at the same time. It was what you did.

     

       You spent 3 days in the shop making that table. You slept when there was noting more to do then wait for things to dry. $150 that you did not have to spend turned into $350 or that officers widow and her family. The saint who bought it donated it to the family. It was the night of the event you learned life was changing. You just got each other booze and booze accessories for Christmas. After five years you both never thought a child was going to happen. But it did, now I KNOW you aren't happy about things being the way they are right now. I know you weep silently and often loudly when no one can hear you but that little girl even now is a blessing. She loves you and you love her even through the hurt and pain YOU LOVE HER.


     Man 2016 remember how much you hated most everything about that year? There were some highlights but most of the things you enjoyed then hurt like sand in the eyes to think about now. 2017 has been a kick in the balls in so many ways. Again the joys you felt earlier bring you to tears don't go there right now big guy. You just stopped crying for the third time since the start of this letter, yes I kept count. You felt some of the deepest things you have felt this year. You felt joy and love in a way that had been lost to you. You have grown and been as strong as you have been weak this year.

       Tattoo therapy and some piercings the way you have always dealt with things and still do. Props to you you have never self harmed physically even though you almost did it in the life ending way 3 time now twice this year alone. Yup I keep count of that too. You have always used tattoos to turn that mental hurt into physical pain and use it to release it. Man remember that 12 hour session on the chest? Zeth was worn out before you were, you had a lot to deal with that day. bonus points you got the hug that day that you needed. 13 tattoos now with thoughts of another one good thing one is owed to you and you do trade work. Each tattoo a story just like that big guy in that movie playing in the background for the tiny human. Breath and quit crying..... Four times now. 

       You have some amazing friends who are just as broken and fucked up as you and sometimes they give the most meaningful advice to you. Like when they reminded you of how miserable you have been for years. Because there are three people on this earth who know you well enough to see through that million dollar smile The one you are divorcing, the one who wont really talk to you right now and the one who asked you not to become jaded and soulless like her. Yes you broke that promise to her. You shattered that soul in ways that were creative and impressive. Lucifer has some questions about that and I am sure he will ask the day you guys meet. 

       So these broken friends with the good advice, that Wednesday two weeks ago now I think? they made you think as they got you intoxicated. Yes you are not happy that this is the new normal because you never got married with the intention to get divorced. You never wanted split custody and to sleep alone like you do now. Still on the subject of sleep you have slept three times of a decent refreshing sleep since the split. Once was meaningful and so needed that night you felt like you had a soul again and God it was still and at peace. You reflect on it often , five times now stop it. The other two times in the past seven days. I know it was comforting. Back to where we were, you stopped being in love 4 years ago. So no you won't go back because yes you feel an obligation and you feel it is the right thing to do neither of you will be happy with it. You can't change the past my friend. You cant keep up that fight anymore. You put in 10 years with good times and bad. Move on.....

       So I need to wrap this up with one very important topic. You big guy, you have that one secret kept from 99.999% of the people on this earth. You have never loved you, no matter the lives you have touched or the good you have done it has never been enough for you. You give so selflessly because you give with all you have and never gave any of it to you. You have shined like a spotlight to so many broken souls, you have saved a few lives along the way. You say the right things and know all the good advice but you never take it to heart for you. That blast from the past that wants to have a few drinks after deployment was right yesterday.

     

       That old quote from that old bar you went to in Rexburg back when you needed the fake ID. It has stayed with you for over a decade now. 2018 is a new world for you in so many ways. The one thing that I ask of you is use this year to fall madly, deeply in love with some one who deserves it and needs it. This person is me, why me? Because I am YOU! Make friends this year, revive the charitable SOB that lives inside because helping others is a good part of us that needs to live on. But this time share that love with you. This is the one shot we get and we need to stop the regret and pain. You now live for you and Jackie and she needs a father that loves himself as much as he loves her. There will be so many tears that I wont keep track there will be so many late nights with no sleep because that is how we do things now. There will always be that one hope and wish but it is not our reason for being. Love you big guy, you deserve it, you are worth it and you sir can be that beacon of light again if you choose to be. Set those boundaries you need and don't do anything for anyone else out of obligation do it because it is what you want and need Be the blunt and honest you that you have been and never leave things unsaid or feelings kept in the dark anymore. Carpe diem, seize the carp! Yes we can still love horrible movie quotes.

With much love that one friend who has always been with you.

Bishop Brown

The crownless again shall be king

   

          I have been putting a lot of thought into my personal growth and rebuilding. I had to think of it in a way that makes sense to me. What came to mind? A house fire a fully involved, total loss house fire. Sounds kind of extreme right? well it really is.

         What has happened in my life, what has led up to this point in the story that is my life and made me this unhappy has been extreme. Divorce after 10 years of marriage is normally not something that happens lightly. But this post is not about what led up to the house fire it is about the fire and what happens next. 

     In a fully involved house fire all that can really be done is 

start fighting it and prevent or minimize and damage to surrounding structures. The fight for all of us is of course different depending on what started our own personal fire. Much like a real house on fire our own personal fire might require a crew of people from friends and family, therapy or other medical professionals. 

          So the fire is out now what? A crew remains on scene and watches for flair ups. An investigation begins to determine the source of the fire and why it became so intense. Was it arson, a appliance left on unattended or maybe a short in the wiring? As a person this investigation can be and most likely will be a much longer process. Often times for us complicated humans there will be multiple sources of ignition and often a bit of arson thrown in for good measure. When things get bad we all to easily have a few self destructive measures we resort to. Either way eventually if you put in the time and effort you can locate what started this personal fire and begin the next step. 

          If this has truly been a fully involved fire demolition is the next step. Picking up the pieces and cleaning up the mess Sometimes after a closer look you get lucky and some heavy renovation and fire restoration is what is needed, however we are focusing on a total loss.

         Here is why it is a bit harder for a person to rebuild. We have to live inside us for this entire process. Often while working and taking care of children or other loved ones. It is a hard experience and often we will fall down or feel like we are falling apart all over again. That is when you need to consult with the contractors helping you rebuild. Just as it takes a village to raise a child rebuilding a person is equally hard work. 

         

           You draw up those blue prints. You decide what life needs to look like for you now that you know what caused this fire. You have to use the lessons learned to prevent another fire. Nothing is fire proof but there are ways to make another one much less likely. Here is a bit of good news! Most likely you can come up with a few good things you liked about that old house or maybe retrieve some items that a friend borrowed that weren't lost to the fire. Because inherently we all have some good traits that make us who we are that should live on in this new house.  

          So we rebuild because we must, we cant dwell in a burnt out structure or pile of rubble forever. I mean, I guess you could try but would that really be comfortable? Would anyone want to come visit after a while if everything stayed the same?  

     I was at one point a firefighter hence why this analogy makes sense to me. I am still working these steps, I think I am on the creating blueprints stage of things. I lost a lot of me over the years. I am trying to find my tribe because I have lost so many members of it and not all those lost were a good thing. I can identify some amazing things about myself that are very much so worth keeping. I can also identify some of those ignition points and need to remove them from my life.

          I am a giving person and I gave too much and lost too much of me in this fire. But I am learning my strengths and that I am worth rebuilding however long that takes. The work is hard but in the end will be worth it. Many chapters of my life were torched these past few months and some hot spots flared up. But the fire watch is over. 

           

Renewed shall be blade that was broken

          I have started to write this blog post several times never finishing it and not keeping what I had written. I even started a different post under a new name because I just didn't think this title fit. However I think things are on an up swing. My life has gone through so many changes these past few months it has been hard to keep track and impossible to keep a happy face like I normally can. 

         I have felt like I shattered my soul. Like all the pieces were scattered some possibly even discarded and gone for good. I spent weeks wishing for a time machine so I could go back to better days and relive them for forever. I wished for a crystal ball so that I knew what my future held and could have a promise of better days. I cried more than I physically thought I could. I had some dark days and owe some people my life. I felt undesirable, unwanted and unlovable. I put on the happy face when I could for as long as I could. I spent some time numb almost unfeeling. Lots of time not sleeping and looking for ways to pass the time.

     

         I was told divorce is one of the hardest things I will ever do in my life and so far yes it has been. I have had so many people come out of the woodwork to be there for me to remind me I am loved, that I matter and that I am needed. I was told that this is my renascence and my chance to rediscover myself and reinvent myself. I was also told that I would feel better in October. The big one I was told by so many was time heals all wounds. Well it is starting to. 

          I have started doing the things that earned me the name of Bishop. I have been there for others and they have in return been there for me. I have made Thursday night my karaoke night. As a good friend once told me that was the best therapy she had ever found. I have been meeting new people and stepping out of my comfort zone and it has been good for me. It has been an adventure a much needed one. 

         My smile has begun to return. There have been some special moments where my soul has been allowed to feel still once more. I have gone from begging the powers that be to take me back in time or show me the future to just living in the now. There will be more sad days I know this but they will not end me. My story is far from over and I am once again hopeful for my future. Wherever the winds of change take me I will make the best of it. 

       I am working on me, physically the changes have been amazing. I recently had a friend hug me and she was blown away that she could now wrap her arms around me and touch her hands together something she had never been able to do before. People have noticed the changes and I have been told I am looking pretty good these days. But I am still working towards my goals. I will get there. I can't let myself hold me back from the changes that need to happen.

  So that is my update for now. I need to go get some fuel and head out. It is karaoke night after all ;-)

A light from the shadows shall spring

      I have gone through a lot of changes in the past few weeks.
I am not myself at the moment. I am also questioning who I am as a person.  I am questioning every aspect of my life. Yes I mean every aspect. Nothing is written in stone. But even stone can be changed I guess...  

     I recently went through some tattoo therapy. For me all of my tattoos have meaning. This one I designed my self and every piece is significant to me. I say therapy because I needed it. I wanted the pain. 
     I am battling a darkness in me that has come back with a passion after many months away. I have been resisting the urge to harm myself and this helped. While I have had some very dark thoughts they have passed. By harm I mean cut myself. Something I have never done but have had the urges. I fought them off today. I fear if I start I may never stop. 

     A key component of my depression is doubting everything. I often feel like a disposable person. Someone who is called upon when needed and forgotten when not. I am not always the best at keeping in touch. When I am down and trust me I am right now I find it hard to chase people. Why bother people if they don't care to talk to me or  see me? 
     So I tell anyone who cares to read this if you care about me, if you love me, if you want me to be around... Reach out and tell me. A text, a phone call even a visit is very welcomed. Often nights are the worst for me. I get stuck in my own head. But you will have to prove that you want to be there. Late night walks calm me but it is better when I am not alone. Invite me out, let me know if you want to see me. Words are all too often just words I need the ACTIONS. 

    I have shed so many tears as of late that I have lost count of the times I have cried. There are two people in this world that I know for sure have the ability to see through me Rachael and Vanessa. If you ask me if I am ok I am well programmed to say i'm fine or i'm ok. Sometimes it is my defense to say that because I could be on the verge of sobbing.  I respond well to hugs and cuddles I actually need them. They help in so many ways.  

     I have felt like running like everyone is better off without me. Like it would be better for me to be a distant memory than a current problem for people. I feel like a shell of myself right now. I truly am lost and trying to find myself. I have no clue what the end result will be. Who I will be.  

     I often feel like an unwanted burden on those who love me. I often feel hated. So reminding me that is not the case is always nice to hear. Right now it is hard for me to feel anything other than sadness and defeat. 

     I describe depression as a blanket. One that is well known and comfortable. You like to use it and have it around because it is familiar. You get used to it in the way that it is normal. You sometimes almost seek it out because in a sick way it is comforting to feel something normal. This has been a life long battle for me. One that I don't really want to loose. A friend once told me a few weeks ago that if I do anything stupid a whole bunch of people will need therapy. I still have a hard time beveling that I matter so I am going to issue a challenge. If you read this, if you actually care... Comment on this post and let me know you read it and you care. Bonus points for adding a favorite memory or picture of us as well. 

   At the urging of Rachael I am going to therapy. I still don't know how I feel about it or if its helping. But I am trying.  I hold out hope for the best but I need my friends more than ever. I need love and attention. I beg of all of you though please don't make plans with me and blow me off those are some of the deepest cuts right now and prove to me that I am a disposable friend and I don't really matter. It makes things so much worse for me. So please if you care reach out and let me know. Give me someone to talk to and something to do. No one person can help me fight this alone.

  So there it is, this is what is going on. Prove me wrong show me that you care. If any of you have questions please ask me.  

From the ashes a fire shall be woken

           Blogging is something I do when I feel moved to. I have never had great luck forcing something out at will. There has been so much that has happened in the last few months since my last post. 

          My daughter is getting so big. She cut her first teeth over the weekend. She can say Dad, Dada, Momma and ok. She is loved by so many people. She is so smart already and know what she likes and does not like and is not shy to tell you about it. She gets hangry just like her mother. 

          I have purchased an antique military vehicle and am eagerly awaiting parts so I can get it back on the road. These old trucks have a single circuit brake system and you NEED it to be working otherwise you have 13,000 lbs of oh shit. Also it is really fun to learn the drive line brake wont hold the truck and have to chase it downhill and fall a few times while doing so. My foot still hurts a bit and my knees are growing fresh skin. 

        Vinyl is picking up and I am more dedicated to it than ever before. I have upgraded a lot of my equipment and can do more than ever before. Vanessa and Rachael have been helping me a lot with it. They are both smart, talented amazing women who for some reason believe in me. I have re branded from Out Of Round to Bad Bishop. The old name was kind of a dig at my physical appearance and it was time to move on from that.

       

         Vanessa and Val have been coaching me and going to the gym with me. At this time I can say I have gone from 352 to 338 in weight. Eating better, going to the gym and just being more active has really been paying off. I owe a lot to these women for supporting me and encouraging me in this effort. I never would have made it this far without them and there wisdom.

         Over the Pioneer day weekend life long memories were made. We went to the Fiesta Days Rodeo for the first time with Vanessa and her family who we claim as our family. We made custom Fiesta Days shirts for all of us and I can't believe how many people asked about them. We want to try a booth next year at the fair. I really think we could make a go of it. What we have been talking about doing no one else was this year.

        There is so much that is changing right now that to be honest I am scared. Changes in my life happen hard and fast and often they are good but not always. I am deeply afraid this is one of those not always times. I am not always honest about my feelings and hate to burden others with them. I do much better at being the one who gives advice on outside issues than deal with my own.

         

          I lived the first 27 years of my life in states of obedience and rebellion of how others wanted me to live my life and almost made covenants based on the urging of others rather than what my heart told me to do. I battled religious depression that made me feel worthless and suicidal. I endured conditional love in accordance to my obedience to a lifestyle others wanted for me but I had not been dedicated to in years. Whenever the shit hit the fan I was always told to go back to church and speak with my bishop. It never panned out and was often short lived.

         I am proud to say that I am my own person today and I live life on my own terms. I do not follow a lot of what society expects and accepts as normal. I have no regrets or guilt over this. I have gotten to know so many amazing people and am much better for it. Lives have been changed and good done that never would have been possible if I had lived life based on the wishes of others. 

         Friends take chances, life is for the living and living in fear and never taking a leap is not living at all. In life you will meet the most amazing people and often in the most unconventional circumstances. The love, relationship and bond that can come from it can be amazing in ways you never imagined. Life is not lived fully if you have more what if questions than amazing memories of the times you tired. 

         More often than not things may not turn out the way the heart wants. But those moments of joy when things are going right even if only for a time are worth it. Moments of pure love and happiness can not be bought or forgotten. It is worth the risk of loss to feel the  beauty of two souls when they are in harmony even if only for a time. It is better to have tried than forever wonder. 

        Please know that if you are a close friend I do love you even if we don't talk as much as we would like. I am always willing to talk even if all you need is for me to listen. I love you all. 


   

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

          As a kid we want everyone to be our friend. Friends mean everything is OK, people like us. In today's modern world we typically have lots of friends as in on Facebook. If you are on Twitter you have followers. I like followers it makes me sound more important ;-). I can really only think of one person I have kept in touch with that I knew before the age of 16.  
       I have as a young adult to a 30 year old human have changed so much. Much of my old crowd of friends tend to do the same things we did as young dumb kids. Three of them are dead One for over a decade due to a motorcycle accident. One for almost a decade due to a drug overdose. The other for a few years due to a work related accident.
       However young me moved away from home because I noticed that pattern of same shit different day.  I left home because I was getting into trouble and I knew if I stayed it would get worse. I left behind the town I grew up in, the Fire Department I served in, the barber I had know for all of my life, the cemetery that held the earthly remains of my grandparents and the girl I had a crush on. Not to mention my group of friends who hung out daily.
     I often wonder what if I had stayed. However as much as I wonder I do not for a moment regret leaving. I found the love of my life, my in laws that accept me with all of my flaws and now I have my beautiful daughter. 

Life has more meaning now. I have a few close friends that are always there for each other. We still do stupid things together but on a much tamer scale. Often the stupid things we do are for a good cause like holding charity events for those in need while wearing a bikini.
       My loving wife has had my back for almost 10 years now. She always pushes me to be better and to chase my dreams. Sometimes she forces me to chase my dreams because I often give up to easy. That is something money can never buy.
       She is currently pushing me to achieve a very big dream. Grow and run my business as my primary job. It is a big beautiful and scary dream. My biggest issue is organizing myself and taking bite sized pieces as I figure out what to tackle first.I often think I need to do it all at once and get very overwhelmed. 

       This next leap is huge and I am excited and scared all at the same time. We are looking at updating equipment and taking on new things. If go ahead with this update we will be able to offer a lot of new services and take on jobs we could not before. This may lead into needing to rent office space. But that will be a ways down the road yet. Either way things are changing and I am excited. I thankfully have the help and support of some awesome friends. 

The old that is strong does not wither

    Sometimes I think too much and feel overwhelmed. Sometimes I put too many things off or life changes my plans and I feel way too behind. Right now is one of those times. 
    Feeling like you are about to be ran over by a truck if you don't pull a miracle out of your ass is a bigger part of my life than I thought it would be. As a kid I really felt I was going to have to worry about quicksand a lot more. Where is all the quicksand? 
    When I feel like this I enjoy the quite moments, deep conversations and sometimes a good Pandora station. Sometimes all of this mixes well with a cold beer or cocktail. however if I feel too out of sorts I avoid that. Tonight is currently a beer night. It may turn into a shower beer night. 
    I feel a big constant failure on my part is organization. Organization of time followed by organization of resources. I some day want to make it through the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I have read the teen version a few times though. It has funny comics and holds my attention better.

       I always tend to put stuff off for stupid reasons. I have too much to do so I don't have time to read or work on XYZ project I want to. However I should sit on the couch and kill a few episodes of whatever TV show I have been watching. I think far too many of us fall into that trap.
      I know that right now I am overtired and after some good rest I should bounce back but sometimes I just dig into how i'm feeling and ride it out. I am proud to say that while I may feel down and out right now, I know my depression is so much better than it ever has been. It is always a good idea to try and remember even the smallest of victory's in our moments of self doubt or depression. 
     We all have bad moments, days, weeks and sometimes months and years. It is not those situations that define us but how we react to them. Anyone can wallow in self pity and spam those in there life with poor me moments. The battle to rise above and get out of whatever hole we are in is a true sight to behold. Sometimes those battles are private and sometimes public however even if you are a one man or woman army you deserve to pat yourself on the back when you overcome something troubling you. 

:):

 

Not all those who wander are lost

   I have been a wanderer for most of my life. I have probably not blazed any one of a kind trails when compared to others but it has been a journey. With all such journeys wrong turns have been made shortcuts that did not pan out were on par and the occasional spectacular views made an appearance in the last 30 years.
     I have had the pleasure of knowing many amazing people in my time so far. Many of them have passed on some from this world and others from my life. I have been blessed to know them either way. I have also known my fair share of people who in the end turned out to not be people but lessons disguised as people. Those people I will also never forget but often hope to never run into again.
     I find the greatest friends in the most random of places. I was an on again off again member of the LDS church for around 27 years. Many of the people I miss that have passed on in one way or another were from my youth and were and hopefully still are amazing people in there own right. Few people I grew up with remain in my life today but have in some way shaped me to be who I am now.
     I am proud to say I have an amazing collection of peculiar people I number among my friends. They continue to believe in me, teach me and push me to be better. Life would not be the same without them in some cases for either party involved. 
     Charity work was taught to me in my youth by my mother and well I ran with it. I am never as happy as when I am helping others directly or indirectly. I have been given the gift of a listening ear and the ability to give half way decent advice. 
     Charity work is my therapist, my friend and oldest companion. It has seen me through some dark times on both the giving and receiving end of things. A recent lesson learned is sometimes it is ok to ask for help and in my case an amazing number of people responded and did what they could. I would not be sitting where I am in my house at this desk without the help of many amazing people over the past six months. 
     It is an amazing sight and feeling to be lifted up by so many when you are truly down. To my friends I owe you the world. I have received more mental help, financial help and physical labor that was needed to complete much needed home repairs then I feel I could ever repay. To that I say CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!! 
     I feel my wandering is not over. I believe it physically take place mostly in Utah but some road trips are in order. I have big dreams that I hope to see to completion over the next few days, months and years. Hopefully it will happen with the majority of the amazing people I know now. However I always tend to bring home a few strays along the way and i'm good with that.  

     
     I had a conversation today with the wife and I brought up that I often feel isolated from a lot of my friends. Seeing as we just had a daughter and a major medical emergency just a short 5 months ago it makes sense. This year however I am challenging my self to get out more and do more. To spend more time with those that really matter and make opportunity's to give back more and in different ways then before. 
       

      While I still see bar events in our future I want to branch out into the community more and actually bring the Green Onion to life the way it needs to be. A force for good full of black sheep, odd balls, the shy and timid and those that need friends and encouragement. We collectively have an amazing skill set and I hope to see everyone get there chance to shine and feel accepted. It is a crazy family we are building but I aren't most of the best family's a bit crazy?
Bishop :):