The crownless again shall be king

   

          I have been putting a lot of thought into my personal growth and rebuilding. I had to think of it in a way that makes sense to me. What came to mind? A house fire a fully involved, total loss house fire. Sounds kind of extreme right? well it really is.

         What has happened in my life, what has led up to this point in the story that is my life and made me this unhappy has been extreme. Divorce after 10 years of marriage is normally not something that happens lightly. But this post is not about what led up to the house fire it is about the fire and what happens next. 

     In a fully involved house fire all that can really be done is 

start fighting it and prevent or minimize and damage to surrounding structures. The fight for all of us is of course different depending on what started our own personal fire. Much like a real house on fire our own personal fire might require a crew of people from friends and family, therapy or other medical professionals. 

          So the fire is out now what? A crew remains on scene and watches for flair ups. An investigation begins to determine the source of the fire and why it became so intense. Was it arson, a appliance left on unattended or maybe a short in the wiring? As a person this investigation can be and most likely will be a much longer process. Often times for us complicated humans there will be multiple sources of ignition and often a bit of arson thrown in for good measure. When things get bad we all to easily have a few self destructive measures we resort to. Either way eventually if you put in the time and effort you can locate what started this personal fire and begin the next step. 

          If this has truly been a fully involved fire demolition is the next step. Picking up the pieces and cleaning up the mess Sometimes after a closer look you get lucky and some heavy renovation and fire restoration is what is needed, however we are focusing on a total loss.

         Here is why it is a bit harder for a person to rebuild. We have to live inside us for this entire process. Often while working and taking care of children or other loved ones. It is a hard experience and often we will fall down or feel like we are falling apart all over again. That is when you need to consult with the contractors helping you rebuild. Just as it takes a village to raise a child rebuilding a person is equally hard work. 

         

           You draw up those blue prints. You decide what life needs to look like for you now that you know what caused this fire. You have to use the lessons learned to prevent another fire. Nothing is fire proof but there are ways to make another one much less likely. Here is a bit of good news! Most likely you can come up with a few good things you liked about that old house or maybe retrieve some items that a friend borrowed that weren't lost to the fire. Because inherently we all have some good traits that make us who we are that should live on in this new house.  

          So we rebuild because we must, we cant dwell in a burnt out structure or pile of rubble forever. I mean, I guess you could try but would that really be comfortable? Would anyone want to come visit after a while if everything stayed the same?  

     I was at one point a firefighter hence why this analogy makes sense to me. I am still working these steps, I think I am on the creating blueprints stage of things. I lost a lot of me over the years. I am trying to find my tribe because I have lost so many members of it and not all those lost were a good thing. I can identify some amazing things about myself that are very much so worth keeping. I can also identify some of those ignition points and need to remove them from my life.

          I am a giving person and I gave too much and lost too much of me in this fire. But I am learning my strengths and that I am worth rebuilding however long that takes. The work is hard but in the end will be worth it. Many chapters of my life were torched these past few months and some hot spots flared up. But the fire watch is over.