Renewed shall be blade that was broken

          I have started to write this blog post several times never finishing it and not keeping what I had written. I even started a different post under a new name because I just didn't think this title fit. However I think things are on an up swing. My life has gone through so many changes these past few months it has been hard to keep track and impossible to keep a happy face like I normally can. 

         I have felt like I shattered my soul. Like all the pieces were scattered some possibly even discarded and gone for good. I spent weeks wishing for a time machine so I could go back to better days and relive them for forever. I wished for a crystal ball so that I knew what my future held and could have a promise of better days. I cried more than I physically thought I could. I had some dark days and owe some people my life. I felt undesirable, unwanted and unlovable. I put on the happy face when I could for as long as I could. I spent some time numb almost unfeeling. Lots of time not sleeping and looking for ways to pass the time.

     

         I was told divorce is one of the hardest things I will ever do in my life and so far yes it has been. I have had so many people come out of the woodwork to be there for me to remind me I am loved, that I matter and that I am needed. I was told that this is my renascence and my chance to rediscover myself and reinvent myself. I was also told that I would feel better in October. The big one I was told by so many was time heals all wounds. Well it is starting to. 

          I have started doing the things that earned me the name of Bishop. I have been there for others and they have in return been there for me. I have made Thursday night my karaoke night. As a good friend once told me that was the best therapy she had ever found. I have been meeting new people and stepping out of my comfort zone and it has been good for me. It has been an adventure a much needed one. 

         My smile has begun to return. There have been some special moments where my soul has been allowed to feel still once more. I have gone from begging the powers that be to take me back in time or show me the future to just living in the now. There will be more sad days I know this but they will not end me. My story is far from over and I am once again hopeful for my future. Wherever the winds of change take me I will make the best of it. 

       I am working on me, physically the changes have been amazing. I recently had a friend hug me and she was blown away that she could now wrap her arms around me and touch her hands together something she had never been able to do before. People have noticed the changes and I have been told I am looking pretty good these days. But I am still working towards my goals. I will get there. I can't let myself hold me back from the changes that need to happen.

  So that is my update for now. I need to go get some fuel and head out. It is karaoke night after all ;-)