Starting a new life is a journey with just as much trial and error as the old one. When I was a teenager living in Sugar City Idaho I recall hearing about a local man who lost his wife shortly after the birth of a their first child. The though of that happening scared me significantly. Being a single father all alone seemed like a nightmare to me. I almost lost my wife after the birth of our child due to an infection that took root after her C section.
Yet here I find myself today a single father. Not due to death but growing apart and ending what became a toxic marriage. So in some ways the nightmare is not the same as what I had feared but it is still a hard road to walk. As I always say and always will the end of our marriage was due to issues on both sides.
It was a tough pill to swallow as I imagine the end of most relationships are. For a while I did not want it to truly end I wanted to fix it. But the more that was talked about and boundaries and compromises discussed the more I realized things would never work. The hardest part of it all the one thing that made me want it to work out was wanting to be a family. Not wanting to have to split time and homes and all that fun stuff.
I once had a desire to be a leader, to help others on a large scale and to make a difference in the world. In a way I did make a difference and people did get helped. I made connections and friends and brought people together. I spent countless hours organizing things and gathering or making donations and raffle items. It taught me a lot of skills along the way.
But I also made a lot of fake friends along the way and met a few scammers looking to take advantage of kindhearted people. There was also too much politics and bullshit in the end. Lots of people who wanted to voice their opinion and ideas but no desire to help along the way.
It has been said "All good things must come to an end." My reply to that is "If it was good for everyone why would it end?" I think the truth is if it was then it wouldn't end. This is why The Green Onion of Utah has basically come to an end for me. I stopped living that life dedicated to the help of others and building that community and started living for myself.
I finally learned how to be a little selfish. As far as friends, well I don't have as many as I once did and I don't get stopped in public as often because someone recognized me. But life is getting better. I lost people I never thought I would and gained ones that were just as surprising to me. The friends I have now I would not trade for anything. We have become a family through thick and thin we help one another and grow together.
No comments:
Post a Comment