August 11th would have been my 11 year anniversary. This was my first go around with this date since we split the end of last August. I was anxious about this day. I did not know what mixed bag of emotions to expect. It went better than expected.
I originally intended to spend this day at home with her. However I realized this was probably not the best choice. I had a friend who suggested she bring her daughter over and we have a tiny human sleepover. As people and plans tend to do in my life she vanished into her own world for her own reasons. To be honest it is something I have gotten used to.
My friends the Greens were amazing and offered to babysit the Tiny Human so I could go out and be with my people. Morgen and Penrose came to hang out with the Tiny Human and myself before the nights activities. Morgen did my makeup.
After the tiny was dropped off we all gathered at the Union Tavern in Midvale for a cosplay event. I elected to remain sober that night as I have the majority of the past few weeks. It was a glorious gathering of people that night from all walks of life. The bar was packed with familiar and some new faces.
The shenanigans were on point as always. While at some points I felt lost because of my thoughts and contemplation's of my situation at hand it was a good night. I managed to sneak in two songs that night at karaoke. I finished off the night singing Hate Me by Blue October as in many ways I see my life in the lyrics. There were offers of an after party or a trip to the waffle house but I decided to journey home and be alone for a while.
This allowed me to really reflect on some things and I needed that. I have begun to form a list of of rules for myself and I keep adding to them. I will share some of them here.
The Rules of Life According to Bishop
1. Don't chase after people.
You have better things to do in life and chasing after someone is never a good idea. A fact that has been proven to me time and time again in life. If they feel the need to run away let them. In the end you will only get hurt more and devalue yourself in the process.
2. Words are never a substitute for actions.
Listen to what people say and watch what they do. If the two don't align there are problems. See how they treat others, the way they speak about or treat others in front of you today very well could be what they do to you tomorrow.
3. Have self respect.
People can and will use you for personal gain or comfort. It is entirely ok to stand up for yourself and speak out. You don't need some who only cares about what you can do for them in your life. Don't become another broken person in the trail of people they will leave behind when they have gotten all they can or want from you.
4. It is ok to feel
We all need have a carefree time every now and then. However constant self medicating with drinking, people or other distractions will only prolong the problems at hand. One must truly deal with things in order to learn, grow and change.
These are just a few of the things I have learned along the way and I will keep adding to them. Thank you to everyone who has been along on my journey. For the ones who have stuck by my side because they care. For those who taught me valuable life lessons even if they hurt along the way. All of you have added to my life in some way.
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