And Now, The Rest of The Story

     I grew up on the east coast in an LDS family. The meeting house was about half an hour away and we made a few trips each week to go there. Many miles were put on the  Toyota dad drove. While the cars may have changed however there was always one constant. Oldies, country and Paul Harvey was the usual rotation on the radio. I loved his voice and can still hear it in my mind today.

     In 11 days I will be 31 and I never imagined I would be where I am right now. Soon the divorce paperwork will be filed and the clock will start on the final act of ending 10 years of marriage. There is no stopping it, no changing the outcome. Maybe in reality as hard as it is to walk away it is for the best. Life as I have known it is ending, not life itself even if I have wished for that. Was the marriage a mistake? No. But many were made by both of us over the years. 

     There are things I have been dealing with these past months that I wont go into detail about. I will say that in my most intoxicated and down situations the words that came to me always were "I don't want to hurt anymore". So much truth in those simple words. We as humans can hurt in so many ways. A broken heart and trust being one of the most brutal ways I have discovered. Being left with ones own thoughts wondering what was the truth and what was a lie can drive a sane person insane, and possibly an insane person sane.
     

     As much as I feel rejected, tossed aside and worthless. Even I cant ignore the accomplishments I have made. I can't tell you how many people have told me one time or another that they would not be here today if it were not for me. I have done good in this world. I don't know if I have made the world 10% a better place but I have tried. The things I have done wont make history books or even the local news. But I never did it for the recognition.  

     People have often praised me and asked how I can do what I do for others. It is simple, I gave selflessly because it feels good. Because, in reality I would and have put myself out to help others even if they were a stranger. People came to me, or  I found those in need without the voice to ask for help where it was needed. Life is circular and Kirk Ricks did the same for me when my family needed it. 

      If one wishes to change the world all they need to do is be passionate about something. My passion was always other people. Anyone can in reality do what I have done if they put actions behind the changes they wish to make. All too often we get sucked into our own problems and loose the scope of what we can do. Want to feel better? Do something for someone who could never repay you and never seek repayment. 

     My story is not over but this chapter is. I lived a life thus far that many would dream of but right now it is a nightmare I haven't woken from. A quality relationship will in my book be better any day over quantity. My heart hurts, my soul is tired and no amount of sleep has restored it. I feel truly empty and at a loss. But I guess the good news is, if this is my rock bottom then up is the only direction I have left. 

    I truly wish I had something more uplifting to share right now but all I have is this. But the truth is always better than a lie.