From the ashes a fire shall be woken

           Blogging is something I do when I feel moved to. I have never had great luck forcing something out at will. There has been so much that has happened in the last few months since my last post. 

          My daughter is getting so big. She cut her first teeth over the weekend. She can say Dad, Dada, Momma and ok. She is loved by so many people. She is so smart already and know what she likes and does not like and is not shy to tell you about it. She gets hangry just like her mother. 

          I have purchased an antique military vehicle and am eagerly awaiting parts so I can get it back on the road. These old trucks have a single circuit brake system and you NEED it to be working otherwise you have 13,000 lbs of oh shit. Also it is really fun to learn the drive line brake wont hold the truck and have to chase it downhill and fall a few times while doing so. My foot still hurts a bit and my knees are growing fresh skin. 

        Vinyl is picking up and I am more dedicated to it than ever before. I have upgraded a lot of my equipment and can do more than ever before. Vanessa and Rachael have been helping me a lot with it. They are both smart, talented amazing women who for some reason believe in me. I have re branded from Out Of Round to Bad Bishop. The old name was kind of a dig at my physical appearance and it was time to move on from that.

       

         Vanessa and Val have been coaching me and going to the gym with me. At this time I can say I have gone from 352 to 338 in weight. Eating better, going to the gym and just being more active has really been paying off. I owe a lot to these women for supporting me and encouraging me in this effort. I never would have made it this far without them and there wisdom.

         Over the Pioneer day weekend life long memories were made. We went to the Fiesta Days Rodeo for the first time with Vanessa and her family who we claim as our family. We made custom Fiesta Days shirts for all of us and I can't believe how many people asked about them. We want to try a booth next year at the fair. I really think we could make a go of it. What we have been talking about doing no one else was this year.

        There is so much that is changing right now that to be honest I am scared. Changes in my life happen hard and fast and often they are good but not always. I am deeply afraid this is one of those not always times. I am not always honest about my feelings and hate to burden others with them. I do much better at being the one who gives advice on outside issues than deal with my own.

         

          I lived the first 27 years of my life in states of obedience and rebellion of how others wanted me to live my life and almost made covenants based on the urging of others rather than what my heart told me to do. I battled religious depression that made me feel worthless and suicidal. I endured conditional love in accordance to my obedience to a lifestyle others wanted for me but I had not been dedicated to in years. Whenever the shit hit the fan I was always told to go back to church and speak with my bishop. It never panned out and was often short lived.

         I am proud to say that I am my own person today and I live life on my own terms. I do not follow a lot of what society expects and accepts as normal. I have no regrets or guilt over this. I have gotten to know so many amazing people and am much better for it. Lives have been changed and good done that never would have been possible if I had lived life based on the wishes of others. 

         Friends take chances, life is for the living and living in fear and never taking a leap is not living at all. In life you will meet the most amazing people and often in the most unconventional circumstances. The love, relationship and bond that can come from it can be amazing in ways you never imagined. Life is not lived fully if you have more what if questions than amazing memories of the times you tired. 

         More often than not things may not turn out the way the heart wants. But those moments of joy when things are going right even if only for a time are worth it. Moments of pure love and happiness can not be bought or forgotten. It is worth the risk of loss to feel the  beauty of two souls when they are in harmony even if only for a time. It is better to have tried than forever wonder. 

        Please know that if you are a close friend I do love you even if we don't talk as much as we would like. I am always willing to talk even if all you need is for me to listen. I love you all.